I’ll Talk, You Listen
“That isn’t exactly what I meant”. “I don’t think you understood me.” “You didn’t hear me correctly.” These are some of the most commonly used phrases in our country. We generally tend to think that talking and hearing are simple mechanisms. After all, we have been doing it even before we learned our ABC’s. Poor communication skills can affect all factors of our lives. Our social relationships; being misunderstood can weaken even the best of friendships. Our familial relationships; is your teenager not listening to you? Our business relationships; are your ideas not being heard or understood because of your presentation skills?
Effective communication is a two way street and both or all parties must have responsibility. We, as the speaker, must seek feedback. Feedback will determine just how effectively we are communicating. Seeking feedback will also demonstrate how actively your audience is listening. An audience can be one individual, a boardroom, a kitchen table or a group of many.
To be an effective communicator means always abiding by the golden rule of Know Your Audience. Use language with words which can be easily understood. Use phrasing and timing to allow for your listener to process the information. Be knowledgeable about the subject matter and don’t try to bluff. Be aware of time and stick to the appointed schedule. Always believe in what you are saying and be enthusiastic.
Bridge your gaps in your own communication process. Remember, only seven (7) percent of our message is communicated verbally. Be aware of your own body language and realize you are speaking volumes without ever saying a single word. Be aware of how your own emotional opinions could get in the way of your objectivity. Think about what you are going to say so you can be more concise and have fewer tendencies to ramble Seek feedback to measure your ability in having your message received and understood.
Whether we are presenting a workshop, bringing new ideas to the business table or meeting one on one, we should always strive to be the best communicator we can be. Ask yourself if some of these traits may be making you less effective. Do you tend to dwell on the trivial? Do you consistently bring up past errors to make a point? Do you talk down to your audience? Are you never able to admit you are wrong?
We all should strive to be active listeners and to do that we must review how we listen. People who are not effectively listening tend to have some of these traits. Finding yourself designing your next comment rather than focusing on what is being said. Judging before the complete message has been delivered. Changing the subject when it is a topic with which you are not familiar. Daydreaming and not staying focused on the speaker.
Effective listeners accept the responsibility of understanding. To do this we must first stop talking. We cannot listen if we are still talking. Encouraging others to talk will let them know you are willing to listen to the complete message. Be active by making eye contact, nodding and even taking notes. Communication is an exchange. Be participatory.
The first step to improving any skill is to understand what you need to do or cease to do in order to hone this particular skill. The second and most difficult step is the absolute requirement that you practice the skill repeatedly. Communicating effectively is no different.
“It is the province of knowledge to speak and it is the privilege of wisdom to listen.”
Oliver Wendell Holmes
Beverly A. Chana
VP Corporate Services
Gray Hair Management, LLC
www.grayhairmanagement.com